Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Corporate Phrases..

Competitive Salary : We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join Our Fast Paced Company : We Have no time to train you...

Casual Work Atmosphere : We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Must be deadline oriented : You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some Overtime Required : Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Duties Will Vary : Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must Have An Eye For Detail : We have no quality control.

Career Minded : Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in Person : If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

No Phone Calls Please : We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Seeking Candidates with a wide variety of experience : You'll need it to replace three people who just

Problem-solving skills is a must : You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires Team Leadership Skills : You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good Communication Skills : Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

I'm Extremely Adept at all manner of office organization : Ive Used Microsoft Office.

I'm Honest, Hard-working and dependable : I Pilfer Office Supplies

I Take Pride in my work : I blame others for my mistakes

I'm Personable : I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I'm Extremely Professional : I carry a Day-Timer.

I'm Adaptable : I've changed jobs a lot.

I'm On The Go : I'm never at my desk.

I'm Highly Motivated to Succeed : The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.

No comments: