How’s it ever going to get better if all the Indians lucky enough to have been educated run off to other countries, right?

Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = Carpet salesman
Two Kashmiris = Carpet factory
Three Kashmiris = Terrorist outfit
Four Kashmiris = Shoot-at-sight order

Tamil-Brahmin
 

One Tam-Brahm = Priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U..S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara

Mallu

 
One Mallu = Coconut stall
Two Mallus = A boat race
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket
Four Mallus = Oil slick

UP Bhaiyya

 
One UP bhaiyya = A milkman
Two UP bhaiyyas = Halwai shop
Three UP bhaiyyas = A fist-fight in the UP assembly
Four UP bhaiyyas = Mosque-destruction squad

Gujju
 

One Gujju = Share-broker in a Bombay train
Two Gujjus = Rummy game in a Bombay train
Three Gujjus = Bombay ‘s noisiest restaurant
Four Gujjus = Stock market scam

Andhraite

 
One Andhraite = Chili farmer
Two Andhraites = Software company in New Jersey
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit
Four Andhraites = Song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie

Mumbaikar

 
One Mumbaikar = Footpath vada-pav stall
Two Mumbaikars= Film studio
Three Mumbaikars = Slum
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour

Sindhi
One Sindhi = Currency racket
Two Sindhis = Papad factory
Three Sindhis = Duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association

Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community

Haryanavi
One Haryanavi = Tube light
Two Haryanavis = Agriculture
Three Haryannavis = Laathi squad
Four Haryanavis = Actually just one was enough

Bihari

 
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav
Two Biharis = Booth-capturing squad
Three Biharis = Train capture.
Four Biharis = Caste riots
Five Biharis = Entire literate population of Patna

Bengali
One Bengali = Poet
Two Bengalis = A film society
Three Bengalis = Political party
Four Bengalis = Two political parties
More than four Bengalis = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team

Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky
Three Punjabis = Assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds
Four Punjabis = Combined IQ equal to one

Kannadiga

One Kannadiga = Deve Gowda
Two Kannadigas = Deve Gowda with his son Kumarswamy
Three Kannadigas = Rivals of Deve Gowda family
Four Kannadigas = Total no of Kannadigas in Bengaluru

The Great Albert Einstein Stories

Image via Wikipedia

(1) One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein’s driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. Sure enough, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back in his driver’s uniform.
Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. “Well, the answer to that question is quite simple,” he casually replied. “I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it!”

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(2) Albert Einstein’s wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work. “Why should I?” he would invariably argue. “Everyone knows me there.” When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit. “Why should I?” said Einstein. “No one knows me there!”

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(3)Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour,” he once declared. “Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity!”

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(4)When Albert Einstein was working in Princeton university, one day he was going back home he forgot his home address. The driver of the cab did not recognize him. Einstein asked the driver if he knows Einstein’s home. The driver said “Who does not know Einstein’s address? Everyone in Princeton knows.Do you want to meet him?. Einstein replied “I am Einstein. I forgot my home address, can you take me there? “The driver reached him to his home and did not even collect his fare from him.

============ ========= ========= ========= =========

(5)Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn’t find it.
The conductor said, ‘Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket. Don’t worry about it.’
Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said, ‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.’

Einstein looked at him and said, ‘Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going.’

Talk is cheap. Especially when coming from politicians.

New units of Indian Rupee

Government of India has decided that the new units of money measurement are needed.

Lacs & Crores no longer work ~ too many zero’s to handle; we have to reckon with Lac crores, etc.

As part of globalisation, one unit which works best is $Bn. Makes it easier for all to benchmark against their local systems but for India another simpler system also emerges

New Units of Money

The huge amounts mentioned in the recent scams have an upside: they have given us convenient new units for communicating large figures:

New Indian Currency Units 1000 Crores = 1 Radia (10000000000 )

10 Radia = 1 Kalmadi (10000 Crores=100000000000)

10 Kalmadi = 1 Raja (1 lac Crores=1000000000000)

100 Raja = 1 Sonia (100000000000000)

This will make it easier for us tocomprehend and communicate large numbers.

For example:

* Anil Ambani’s new home in Pali Hill will cost Rs 4.5 Radias.

* India’s total annual subsidy on kerosene is Rs 2 Kalmadis.

* ONGC’s annual output is worth Rs 1.2 Rajas.

* India’s loss in the 3G scam is approximately Rs 1.7 Rajas.

* Poor Pramod Mahajan left behind only Rs 1.4 Radias.

* Indian corrupted people money savings in Swiss Bank is more than Rs 1 Sonia.

February 14th must be declared Single Awareness Day.

Grandeur and Complexity of the English language.

Professor Ernest Brennecke of Columbia is credited with inventing a sentence that can be made to have eight different meanings by placing ONE WORD in all possible positions in the sentence: “I hit him in the eye yesterday.”

The word is “ONLY”.

The Message:

1.ONLY I hit him in the eye yesterday. (No one else did.)

2.I ONLY hit him in the eye yesterday. (Did not slap him.)

3.I hit ONLY him in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit others.)

4.I hit him ONLY in the eye yesterday. (I did not hit outside the eye.)

5.I hit him in ONLY the eye yesterday. (Not other organs.)

6.I hit him in the ONLY eye yesterday. (He doesn’t have another eye..)

7.I hit him in the eye ONLY yesterday. (Not today.)

8.I hit him in the eye yesterday ONLY. (Did not wait for today.)

Receive free cricket world cup 2011 sms alerts

For all you Cricket Crazy people, we have come up with a list of services, using which you can receive Free Cricket SMS Alerts. Cricket World Cup 2011, will commence on 19th February and I am sure you don't want to miss it. You can use any of the services you like to receive Cricket SMS Alerts for free.

Alertrix - To subscribe, you need to send a SMS - CRI to 56070. You will be charged one time cost of sending a premium SMS on 56070 which may vary from Rs. 1 to 3, depending on your mobile operator, after subscription all the incoming crickets score alerts will be free of cost. You can also sign up for these alerts by visiting Alertrix.com. Apart from cricket Alertrix provide lots of other free sms alerts also.

zestu - To receive Cricket Scores on SMS, you need to register with zestu by visiting zestu.com. Just like Alertrix zestu also provide a variety of Free SMS Alerts other than cricket. Once you sign up, login to your zestu account and choose Cricket Alerts to receive free Cricket updates on your mobile.

SMSGYAN -  To subscribe, you need to send a SMS - Worldcup to 56161. You will be charged one time cost of sending a premium SMS on 56161 which may vary from Rs. 1 to 3, depending on your mobile operator, after subscription all the incoming crickets score alerts will be free of cost.

SMSGUPSHUP - Many sms group owners on smsgupshup are also providing cricket news, match schedules, scores and results. So visit smsgupshup.com - search for some cricket groups and join the ones you like. To join any group at smsgupshup.com SMS - JOIN "Groupname" to 567678 You can also join groups by visiting smsgupshup.com or m.smsgupshup.com

Google SMS - Using Just like smsgupshup many sms group owners on Google SMS are providing the same. One such group is CRICLIVE. To subscribe to it SMS - ON CRICLIVE to 09870-80-7070. You can also for cricket related sms groups and subscribe to the ones you like. Apart for subscription to various groups you can also receive 'On-Demand'- SMS Alerts from Google. Just SMS - CRI to 9-77-33-00000

txtWeb - Similar to Group SMS websites. You can get World Cup alerts from txtWeb by sending a SMS - @CRICBUZZ to 92433-42000

PS : These services are available only in India